"How Can We Possibly Be Joyful In A Moment Like This?"
Episode Overview:
In this reflective and intimate episode, Alexander Bluefeather shares his thoughts and experiences while on retreat with The Luckiest Club leadership team in Copake, New York. As the morning dawns, he offers listeners insight into his reflections on joy, pain, and the interconnectedness of life’s most tender moments. Weaving in personal stories, including interactions with his goddess-daughter Harvey, Alexander invites listeners to explore the relationship between joy, pain, and death, while celebrating small moments of delight.
Key Points:
Introduction and Setting:
Alexander records the episode early in the morning, sitting by a fire in Copake, New York, while on retreat with The Luckiest Club team.
He reflects on feeling open, connected, and grateful for the friendships and reflections from his sober community.
Reflections on the Luckiest Club:
The Luckiest Club, a modern sobriety support community, holds annual retreats for its leadership team.
Alexander speaks about the strength and importance of these in-person gatherings for an otherwise online community, highlighting the bonds formed over shared experiences of recovery.
Personal Reflections on Joy, Pain, and Loss:
Alexander shares a profound moment during an icebreaker activity at the retreat, where participants reflected on their happiest memory from the last year.
He connects joy and happiness with deep personal pain, grief, and loss, specifically reflecting on his father’s dementia and the emotional distance growing between them.
He speaks about the beauty and growth in learning to hold both joy and pain together, emphasizing how the two are often intertwined.
Alexander's Relationship with His Goddess-Daughter, Harvey:
A tender moment is captured through an audio clip of Alexander and his daughter Harvey, showcasing the creative and playful bond they share.
Harvey writes poetry and spells, and they enjoy time together imagining worlds where they live by a waterfall, exchanging heartfelt poems and songs.
Alexander reflects on the depth of joy and contentment he feels in these moments, even as they are balanced by the pain of being away from her at times.
Exploring the Concept of Joy:
Drawing from Krista Tippett and Ross Gay, Alexander discusses the concept of joy in difficult times.
He poses the question, “How can we possibly be joyful in a moment like this?” and suggests that joy is not a luxury but a calling, especially in moments of pain and struggle.
Ross Gay’s perspective on joy being deeply connected to the awareness of death resonates with Alexander, reinforcing the idea that joy is not about ease, but about embracing the full spectrum of life.
Seasonal Living and Creative Practices:
Alexander touches on his personal practice of seasonal living, ebbing and flowing with the rhythms of the moon and sun, which helps him integrate his experiences, especially after spending time with Harvey on the East Coast.
He shares the value of routine, including meditation, creative projects, and deep reflection, as ways to navigate the complexity of emotions.
Closing Thoughts:
Alexander encourages listeners to stop striving to eliminate pain, and instead, to create an expansive relationship with the full spectrum of human experience.
The episode closes with a reflection on how integrating both joy and pain can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and the world, ultimately fostering a richer life experience.
Takeaway Message: In moments of profound loss and struggle, joy can still be found. It is not separate from pain but often dances with it. By allowing space for both, we cultivate a fuller, more expansive life experience.
TRANSCRIPT
Hi, soul siblings. I'm sitting by the fire. You can hear the birds. It's 5:17 AM. I've got a cup of coffee.
I'm in Copac, New York, and I'm on retreat with the leadership team from the Luckiest Club. I feel opened. I feel connected and very grateful for the friendship, the reflection from beautiful, sober humans and colleagues. Here we are, a new episode. Welcome to Viral Mindfulness, the podcast.
I'm your host, Alexander Bluefeather. 2nd summer Y circles are open for enrollment. We start on Tuesday, September 3rd and run for 5 weeks, Tuesday morning circles or you can choose the Sunday afternoon circle. Head over to my website for all the details. The book I have sitting on my lap that I am reading right now is Wicked, the novel, by Gregory Maguire.
I guess it's just Maguire, not McGuire. My eyes are still early. Morning eyes. The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. I read it, like, 25.
I guess it was more like almost 30 years ago. Book was published in let's see. I was playing a game last night with some other colleagues here where we were guessing holding up books and guessing when they were published. 1995 is when Wicked was published as a book. And then I bet that Wicked the musical was on Broadway in 2,003, I bet.
Anyway, it's really fun. I read it before the musical, and now I'm reading, like, 30 years later and 28 years later. And it's really fun. There's a lot of things I didn't understand about myself especially, but I think that impacts how I read, even my ability. So it's really good.
I wanna tell you that in our leadership retreat with the luckiest club, we get together once a year for just like 4 days, three and a half days, to be together in person since we run an online business. So real quick, if you don't know what the luckiest club is, just go to the luckiest club dot com. It's a sobriety support community online. Founder, writer, author, Laura McKown, and it's grown for 4 years now into an online sober modern sober sobriety support community, and I'm one of their team leaders. So you can also find info at my website, viralmindfulness.com about the luckiest club.
So yesterday, we had an icebreaker activity where we were answering the question about the happiest memory we have in the last year. So I kinda wanted to use that to open and then I'll share some audio clips of Harvey and I, of course, and some beautiful sounds of nature from my travels. And I found a piano finally for the first time since my recital and I sat down to play a little bit of music for you. And so as I sat reflecting and listening to my friends, my dear colleagues with The Luckiest Club, it was clear to me and to what others were sharing that part of our happiest memories are they are very deeply connected to our pain, our loss, our near losses, to all those prickly parts that we're so we're so good at not wanting to embrace. I'm getting better.
That's really important to me. I value that attitude. I was thinking how none of these people in this community will ever know my father and that he's still alive and he doesn't even connect with me in the same way with his dementia and his memory loss, let alone having the capacity to then intersect with me and the stories of me and who all these new people are. In fact, when I have talked to him in the last, let's say, several months, even his capacity to know who I'm visiting in New York is not there. He doesn't know that Harvey Rose is by the way, I asked her what she wants to be called since I got here, and she said Harvey.
So Harvey, she also said I could call her pink feather. Harvey pink feather. I think those are 2 separate ones though. My dad doesn't know her and he doesn't remember who my best friend is. He has connections to the long term memories, which includes me.
There are moments and there are times still where he does know who I am. It's just decreasing, fading. So as I sat reflecting on the joy or the happiest moment of this year, it's kind of deep and dark, so content warning. I talked about this a couple years ago, and some people responded like, is Alexander okay? And I'm really okay.
And what it's about is just looking at my life and feeling like it's aligned and that I don't have anything unfinished. I mean, I have plenty of unfinished creative projects, but I'm ultimately working on those creative projects in real time and challenging myself to be patient and to, you know, produce a spring recital and produce a new rainwater series and know that, let's say, the book, the memoir is coming. And but that I am here. I'm I'm living it and things are in alignment, which does not mean that things are always great. You all know here on the podcast that it was a tough winter from January to end of May end of April for me.
And it's related to my dad and to losing another friend who didn't die or pass, but made a decision to sever our friendship and just move on. And I learned a lot from that. And so my joy is just feeling contentment and that my happiness and joy are deeply connected to this quality and capability within me to meet, let's say, this year's midwinter melancholy into the spring melancholy. And that's progress for me. Knowing how to take care of myself, having resources with humans who are really great at supporting, seeing, listening, suggesting ideas.
I'm so grateful. And then to have alignment in this beautiful world I've been building with my business and my gifts and my watercolors and my piano and Isn't that songbird lovely? It's so beautiful. These clips were recorded over a month ago, and I've had time to really sit with the idea that our pain and our joy dance so intimately and regularly together. I am home in Southern California.
It's now August 21st in real time. And I found some words from Krista Tippett and Ross Gay in an interview with Krista Tippett's brand called On Being. And the idea is that how can we possibly be joyful at a time like this? How can we possibly be joyful in a moment like this? And what's your moment?
You know, your life, I know, is packed of all kinds of situations and relationships, struggles, successes, a moment like this as we, as a country, are looking down the pipeline to the presidential election. A moment like this where we're still recuperating from 2020 and trying to figure out what in the world happened. Any sort of plot point for you personally is maybe a place to look right now. The moment that you're in, the difficulty, the struggle, the pain, how can I possibly be joyful? So Krista Tippett explains that she was at a gathering with some philanthropists and leaders of nonprofits, and someone said to her, a person in leadership, how can we possibly be joyful in a moment like this?
And her response, she says, is strangely countercultural. To see joy, as she says, I would say, this is Krista Tippett, as just a simplified way and to see joy as a calling precisely in a moment like this. So what if that's your calling to find joy in your moment, in this moment, in your pain? And I think it's really easy sometimes to think that it's one or the other, that we're not holding both of those at the same time. That's what I love, is to remind myself that I am in pain.
I am in struggle, and I can take a moment and listen to this bird. I can take a moment and take a break and read a lovely book. I can teach myself how to lean into delight, to joy, to gratitude. The other interesting idea that Christa suggests is asking the question of, is joy a luxury? Since when did joy become a luxury or a privilege?
Isn't joy something that is here? And my job is to attempt to touch it, to acknowledge it. I think that's the skill that really resonates with me is how can I acknowledge the joy while I'm simultaneously holding the deep pain that I'm in? So something to think about as you navigate the end of the summer and move towards fall later in September. With Ross Gay, that's who Krista was interviewing, when she posed this question about joy, where he went really quickly was the connection between dying and joy.
And so he says, Ross Gay, it's like joy. Sometimes I think there's a connection of joy as like something easy and to him, to Ross Gay, joy has nothing to do with ease. And joy has everything to do with the fact that we're all going to die. That's actually when I'm thinking about joy, I'm thinking about that at the same time as something wonderful is happening. Some connection is being made in my life.
We are also in the process of dying. That is every moment. That is every moment. One of the questions I get asked a lot about my life being bicoastal and spending so much time with Harvey is what is it like when I get home? How do I feel when I'm not with her?
How do I land? What are the integrations? How am I doing? Well, I'm in it in real time, and I'm sitting here actually in my office recording this podcast and I'm looking at this art that I taped up on the wall from a couple visits ago. And she wrote with crayon, papa, daddy, blue stars, hearts, I love you.
I've been doing this seasonal living. In fact, my business and so much of what I reach, what I long for is this seasonal living. This ebb and flow with the moon and the sun from the east to the west. And it is hard for me when I get home, and I really do miss her, and I feel a lot of feelings. And I feel like this idea about joy and pain and death all dancing together simultaneously all the time in relationship, fluid, expansive, in movement, really resonates for me.
And I don't know how you cultivate that. That could be a good question. That could be a further podcast episode. But for today, I really wanted you to think about this. Maybe stop trying to eliminate your pain and to be in a place of 1 or the other.
And create an expansive, oh, that's my phone texting me. Create an expansive relationship with your whole experience, your joy, and your pain. One of the things I do when I get home is I get to work. I get back into my practices, into schedule, routine. I am currently in real time getting up at 5 AM again.
I'm sitting in timed meditation. I am meeting with my appointments which include anything from recovery meetings to wise circles with spiritual friends. I'm readings new books. I've lots of space now when I'm on the West Coast in my solo time. And playing music at the piano, timed writing, looking at my painting projects, so many exciting things.
So, the last thing I wanna share with you today on the podcast is one of the beautiful, joyful moments I had with Harvey alone that I caught on audio actually. We were playing downstairs in the basement of her house. We'll often play family or make believe or school. This time, we played like we were forest people who lived near a waterfall and there was a fire. And so, we were actually in this moment that you're gonna hear, we were sitting next to the fire and we were taking reading time together and writing time, and she was writing in her composition book.
It's pink. I was writing in my composition book, and she told me that she's been writing poetry since she was 3 years old. And so that's what we're doing, the sounds, and we're reading the poems, and they were also spells to each other, and we were singing them to each other. And it reminded me that since she was 2a half, I've always had that composition book. I've always had that pencil, those pens.
She likes to look through my little, carriers that keep my pens and pencils. And she has been doing with her uncle Blue these things for several years and she's right and her body knows that. Her soul and her blood and her bones remember and so here we are in play in imaginative play where kids do so much integration, reading, singing, sharing each other's poems. Such a joyful moment. And these are those moments that I treasure and think about when I'm on the flip side of being without her.
But not witch's poems. You're very good at this. I wrote a poem too. It's called, uh-oh, the queen. Every day from tonight, you will make it bright.
The fire is burning bright and strong for our poetry. That means it's good. It's full of life and truth and love, says Harvey. Did you know I've been writing poems for years? Now I'm 6.
I've paused the game, and now it's back on. A spell. A spell? Yeah. Okay.
So I'm gonna write spells. What kind of spell? Am I writing a spell for summer? So this is a good spell. What I'm doing is a good spell.
Okay. What I'm doing is a spell for summer. K? Okay. For summer solstice.
K. Oh, you know what came in the mail? What? My new summer fragrance. Wow.
What? Did you know I actually did a a? Oh, my alligator. Oh, my Alexander? Who's Alexander?
You. Wait. Do you ever think of me as Alexander? Yeah. Do you think of me as blue feather?
Yeah. Do you think of me as uncle Blue? Yeah. Cool. Spell for summer solstice.
Do you know when the summer solstice starts? What? Tomorrow on Thursday at 9:50 PM. Wow. Do you know when the full moon is?
No. Friday night at 9:0:8 PM. Wow. Kind of use one of your Of course, you can use my 1st, I'm gonna check for the black one. Oh, the ones with the brush tips?
Yeah. I don't think I brought those, but we can check. You can check all of them if you like. Do you know what this line represents right here? Ah.
I did bring it for you. Oh oh my my uncle Blue is so Where's mine? I don't know where yours are. You gotta keep track of them. I bet they're up in the art desks.
We can go through all your arts supplies. This is the last one. The last what? Home? Yeah.
Okay. Ready? Go. Okay. Night from this sprite.
It says spell all tonight, but it's actually a poem from this night. Okay. So that's okay. Yeah. I'll just use this.
Wait. I forgot right now. It was writing time, and we're writing already. And right now, it's writing time in cursive. We have to write in cursive.
I don't know cursive anymore. I just do print. Can I do print? Yeah. But, cursive is kind of like this.
Like, first, you do, like you kind of do it very fast. Like this? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's so nice.
See? That's cursive. Oh, wow. Oh my gosh. My poem is flowing like poetry.
See, this is kind of cursive. Your cursive is beautiful. How's that brush tip? That one's a little thicker. Do you recognize the thickness?
Yeah. I like this one. It's a little stiff. Yeah. But I like this one.
Oh, good. Do you need some of that? Oh, thank you. Wait. This can erase marker?
Pencil. And if you need pencils, they're in this one. Okay. And there's even pencil sharpener too so we can sharpen our pencils. K.
Wait. This is a song that the trees used to sing to me. That you're writing in cursive? Yeah. Are you gonna sing it for me?
After 1, I'm done. Okay. Should I write a song too then? Yeah. Okay.
Oh, wow. What? You're already so perfect. Oh, thank you, honey. Did you know that when I was in your age in elementary school, like, 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade, I had perfect handwriting.
I always got As. Your writing is very beautiful as well. Your cursive is delectable. Well, because this world, this forest only writes in cursive. What is the name of our forest?
Cursive? Cursive? Yeah. But the real name is the the real name of this forest is the white witch. The white witch.
It's actually the real name of this forest. But you know the second real name? Waterfall. Okay. Now want me to read my poem to you?
Yes. I mean, my song to you? I have a day from tonight, I will bring it all tonight. You take it up or you take it down. If you go up, you will see your check.
If you go down, you'll see what this has. Oh, yeah. I'll take it up. Oh, yeah. I'll take it down.
Oh, yeah. Let's go. Rosetta Rosa. Can I sing you my song? Yeah.
Thursday night whispers light and solstice. Summer settle down, settle in the light is love. Love, love, love, love, love. Blue clouds float and meander across the spacious sky. Canvas of warmth and lazy loving breezy ideas of summer.
Shine, shine, summer. Lavender, lavender breezes. From tonight. I just remembered that song from the wind. From the wind?
That's beautiful. Do you know what this means when I do this? What? It's like clapping, but just your fingers. Then I don't have to because because a lot of times I have one hand, so I wanna kinda clap.
Wait. Do you know this song? I don't know. Can I hear it? It's actually the same one you already know.
Oh, well then, please share. Actually, right now right now it's time to turn off the writing time. Oh, okay. So writing time's over. Hello.
Writing time's over. Now it's time for fun time. Now it's time for fun time. Aw. She's so precious.
Now it's time for time away from Harvey, the season away from her. And in that, I'm super excited to announce my 2nd summer wise circles are open for enrollment. The final thing I wanna play for you is Harvey's infectious, contagious, expansive, joyful laugh. So take in this laugh, and I'll see you next time here on the podcast. Today's episode is sponsored by my signature wise circles.
Enrollment is open right now for my next round of therapeutic mentoring. Think of it as group therapy reimagined. The circles start on September 3rd, Tuesday, and finish the week of October 6th. There are 2 different circles to choose from. You would choose 1 or the other.
One will be every Tuesday starting September 3rd from 9 AM Pacific time to 10:45 AM Pacific time. Each circle is 1 hour and 45 minutes where you will join other like minded soul siblings up to 6 other participants. The second circle is offered on Sunday afternoons at 3 pm Pacific time and that runs until 4:45 pm Pacific time. That circle starts on Sunday, September 8th and finishes Sunday, October 6. You can get a bunch of details over at my website including prices, details of the program, things people loved about the Y circle, what they learned, read the testimonials.
So head over to my website. I look forward to answering any questions you might have along the way.
