Um. Don’t know how to tell you this…

I'm just going to say it... I've decided to live this next year as if it were my last.

With all the people who have died in my life over the past 15 months, and transitioned to the invisible world, time feels urgent—precious—and what I leave behind matters to me.

My impermanence feels like an entry point into more conscious living, and lights a fire of determination to finish the first draft of a memoir I've been working on by next August 2023.

My writing teacher Natalie Goldberg talks about a time in retreat when her meditation practice felt excruciating:

"On the second morning out of the corner of my eye, I heard, Nat, it's about death. The entire thought screen dissolved, my muscles relaxed. I was there. Nothing else was that important.

"What was that voice? Where did it come from? If you learn to look for an opening, an entry point you are developing, a part of yourself that does not get lost, enmeshed with your thoughts, does not believe them as solid and real. That part can help to find a way out of your confusion.

"What did it's about death mean? I'm not totally sure. Maybe I no longer had the concern about my parents' deaths—they were gone. I was next in line. Maybe unconsciously I was battling my own death by keeping so busy—or I was trying to fit in everything before I died? Who knows. Human beings are funny animals. All I know is those three words worked.

"You can't make this opening happen, but you can feed and fertilize the ground. If you never sit still, it does not even hint to that deeper self in you that you are interested. By practice, by showing up, we are signaling that deep motor, that hum of life, that we are ready: Help us. Pay attention and lead us out of our confusion.

"It seems sometimes I can sit every day and have no opening at all in my meditation. But I am so much richer for having sat. The world opened to me anyway. Just not the way I thought. It did not fulfill my idea, but maybe it fulfilled my life. Think of that. Pretty exquisite" (Natalie Goldberg).

Meditation is often difficult for me while simultaneously the practice pushes me deeper into authentic and honest living.

What opens you up to your life with more presence? I'd love to hear about it; hit reply with an answer.

Do you want to sit down and meditate with me?

I recently recorded a 10-minute guided meditation that might be helpful for you; it's called the "Field of Mindfulness."

If you're looking for a hub, with a bunch of my guided meditations in one place, you're invited to access my meditation starter kit. It's called the "Guided Meditation Playlist" and it's free for a limited time.

If you're already a member, here's a quick link to the login page, and a way to reset your password if needs be. You can always find your way back home at viralmindfulness.com/login.

Yours Bluely,

Alexander