I've opened pandora's box. Examining projects, pipelines, and goals in August, I made a decision to push my book to the top of the list with a deadline of March 17th, 2017. All creative hell has broke loose.
You know, the predictable ghouls and goblins. I'm not good enough. I can't do this. It's all been said before. Who wants to read what I have to say? The list goes on. You've heard the voice and melody. My new answer to the doubtful nelly voices at this point in my writing life, pardon my french: "Fuck you doubt and fear, this is happening!"
I recently attended a yoga class in Manhattan. Near the end we move into seated forward bend. I grab my feet and begin a descent forward as wonderful experiences of New York City fill the canvas of my mind. Finally, this year, as a gay man, thriving with HIV, practicing yoga next to my best friend, in my favorite city, I am surrendering to a power and force greater than me. Suddenly, my face, forehead, and nose lightly kiss my legs.
OMG! I snap into ego and right out of the moment.
My initial thought, stand up, jump up and down, and shout: "I did it! I did it! I've never done this before!"
A thirteen year journey to strike a pose.
I mindfully surrender to the breath and lean into the pose. Tears tickle my eyes and wet my legs. I'm transported back to hell, my Bikram yoga days, in the same pose and that God-forsaken heat, as the teacher matter-of-factly states: "And one day your head will gently rest on your legs."
I never thought this pose was possible for me since I have such ridiculously long legs. It didn't stop me from practicing.
We all have stories of limitation. The key is to notice them lightly and move forward quickly. Don't give up. Stick with them. Detach from results. Return. Practice. Begin again. Keep practicing. And be light with yourself.
I'm adopting a similar philosophy about writing my book. I'm learning a sure fire switch from my friends doubt and fear. I start by honestly and lightly acknowledging them, then turn towards Divine Presence and ask for guidance. I listen and tap into an idea of emerging qualities which I trust will help me travel towards my goal.
Aldous Huxley points out: "It's dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you're feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days ..... Lightly, lightly -- it's the best advice ever given me ..... to throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That's why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling."
With force we often stifle our flow. I'm not offering "lightly" as a replacement for discipline, hard work, action, and commitment. I'm encouraging you to salt and pepper your movement with a light hearted and faith filled attitude.
The yoga teacher in Manhattan spoke powerful words that day: "Push yourself to fall out of the pose once in a while. You learn so much through falling." It's much easier to fail and fall when you're approaching it lightly.